Election T-shirt briefing

GREEN PARTY

This T-shirt limped in last, taking an unimpressive six days to arrive. We can only assume the shirt was delivered by wind-powered postal vans that were becalmed mid-delivery. Could it make up the lost ground? Yes and no. The choice of an organic, Fairtrade cotton shirt scores points in the Fit for Political Purpose (FPP) category. The tee also boasts a two-colour chest print and one-colour sleeve print, although the design does have a slightly ‘Made in Microsoft Word’’ look to it and surely a green shirt would have far stronger standout on the streets and at the polling booths compared with a plain white tee? We can’t say for certain, but we’re pretty sure it was printed with a scratch ’n’ sniff SFX ink, as it exudes the faintest whiff of lentil hotpot. The tee was bunged straight into the envelope – no poly bag – although we generously assumed this was a conscious decision to reduce wasteful packaging. It lowered the shirt’s perceived value, but earned even more points in the FPP category.

UKIP

UKIP’s T-shirt arrived the day before the Green’s shirt, and was the only T-shirt not available in a small size – presumably thin people don’t hang out in real pubs drinking real ale and have, as a consequence, fallen off the party’s political radar. This shirt was also poly bag-free, giving the impression that it had been chucked into the envelope by someone who was more focused on getting to their local for opening doors. Unlike the Green’s approach, we’re guessing this had less to do with saving the environment and more to do with saving a few pence for the post-election beer fund. We could be wrong. The single-colour print wasn’t especially clean or sharp; however, the bright yellow ink and rich purple fabric combination does mirror the equally lurid scandals that have befallen UKIP in recent months. Sadly, the party’s press office didn’t respond to our enquiry about the nationalities of the textile workers and printers who produced the tee. A pity.

CONSERVATIVES

The Conservative Party didn’t have a dedicated campaign T-shirt – perhaps they forgot to order any in the panic to stop UKIP nicking any more of their MPs? The T-shirt we ordered carries a relatively tasteful single-colour design based on the classic Tory tree emblem, which was well printed and has a soft handle. It contained no call to action or wording of any description, suggesting that the Tories were so confident they would retain the keys to Number 10 that they didn’t feel the need to rally the vote. Or perhaps Samantha Cameron drew a line, regarding slogans as a step too far and really rather gauche? The shirt smashed the swingometer on delivery speed, arriving the next day in a dead heat with Labour’s tee. However, given that it was the second most expensive shirt (£12) and delivery added a whopping £5.50 in postage charges, we had rather hoped Mr Cameron might jump on a Boris bike and hand-deliver himself. No such luck.

LIBERAL DEMOCRATS

The Lib Dems T-shirt was available in the widest range of sizes, from S to 2XL. It has been suggested that this was the party’s final desperate attempt to appeal to as many voters as possible, although a little more time spent on the design to lift it from dull to slightly less dull might have been a more effective tactic. That said, the logo is printed using a subtle flock transfer, which sets it apart from the competition; however, the positioning of the left chest print is slightly off and appears to have drifted to the left. The mid-priced garment is most noteworthy for incurring the lowest delivery charge, but when all is said and done the Lib Dems’ tee doesn’t actually say very much – perhaps there is nothing left to say? It has no call to action and little personality and appears to be going through the motions. The best that can be said: it’s bright, unlike the party’s future by the looks of things.

LABOUR

Labour’s T-shirt matched the Conservatives on delivery speed, and was the cheapest of the bunch at £5. Unfortunately, it wasn’t the T-shirt we ordered.! We wondered if, perhaps, David Miliband was helping out the apparatchiks in the post-room and was using the tee to deliver a coded message to the electorate: vote for Labour now and we promise to replace the leader with a broadly similar yet slightly more appealing style the next day? The shirt has the most direct call to action and is the most overt campaign-style garment. The bright red Earth Positive tee scores on standout, fits with the party’s visual identity and delivers on environmental criteria. The print is well executed – bold, crisp edges, and opaque (albeit at the cost of the handle). Granted, it carries no Labour branding; however, it remains a strong candidate for the top spot. But it’s the wrong shirt…

SNP

We nearly excluded the SNP from the competition: not because we’re anti-Scots, but because on our first visit to the party’s website we found shirts on sale at £16 and, with postage, our shopping basket was over £20, exceeding our agreed spending limit. Who needs North Sea oil when you’re making these margins on your tees? Fortunately on our return visit we unearthed (slightly) cheaper shirts and delivery options, with a twist that confirms the SNP’s progressive credentials. A personalisation service allows supporters to have their name printed on the front of the garment as part of the design. Our boxes were being ticked faster than George Osborne cuts public sector spending. The transfer print is ‘OK’, the promised printed neck label didn’t materialise, and at £15 the SNP tee is still the most expensive tee by some distance… But it’s personalised!